I don't feel like a human being, now. I don't even feel like a detective. I feel like a stain.
[He says, bluntly in return, trying to collect his emotions. Throw them in the trash.]
And...about the roles. About anything. I talked with them only last week. They never breathed a word to me. And they know very well what is between me and Kotetsu. They could have said it so easily, told me off for my actions, and if not me, then Kotetsu, and he could have told me at any point in time to stop. I found out about Flat several weeks ago, and since...
[He just...looks so confused right now.]
...Xie Lian. What did Baraqiel state to you, specifically? Was it specifically I who caused them harm? Or in general, someone sharing roles? I understand. Your beloved has been deeply harmed. But I need to know. Please.
… there is really no sense in beating yourself up over it further - this is why I didn’t have any interest in sharing… [ xie lian mumbles this, but it’s a little fussy as he trails off. ] What is done is done, and… wallowing in it will not help you or anyone move forward. [ another hard lesson, xie lian had to learn. ]
There are still many who have faith in you. And even if there weren’t, there is at least one - Mr. Kotetsu certainly does. Take that faith and let it strengthen you. It is at least a start.
[ but. okay. ]
…Baraqiel would never tell me that he has been in pain. He would sooner hide it from me, no matter how much I ask him about it - and we are close. He is not one to let anyone in, and the only reason we are even close is… well. A story for another time.
So, no. I learned of the limit of two through insinuation and deduction; then, I was there, when Flat told a second person. So, finding out that you knew of his, after seeing what Mr. Van Zieks’ speech did to the Watchers - I put together the clues on my own. I don’t think they can truly tell us much unless we ask for it.
As for learning of the roles, themselves; I did not ask until Flat told me he was seeking my help because he didn’t know what to do, and I was told very little. The others - Flat and I worked together to find Mr. Nero. Yuri told me - our experience in the catacombs helped us build an incredibly tight bond of trust, and I mentioned to him that I was seeking the way I mentioned to you- only in the vaguest of hints, and nothing beyond that. I was the only one that knew in each case, all because they shared of their own volition.
I advised Flat not to tell anyone else, but from how it sounds, he felt somewhat cornered into telling you.
I'm not wallowing in it. I asked for your feelings, and I appreciate them, and despite my regrets, none of this will stop me from moving forward. Nothing ever does. I shall not help all of you by being waylaid to the side.
[And yes. Kotetsu needs him.]
...So you have mastered my method, my dear fellow of deduction. [A brief smile, a light smile, and its gone.] But...I see. Did Flat know there was a two person limit at the time he shared it with me? I admit, I pressed him hard, and that was on me, yes, but...I didn't know about any limits, and if the young man didn't know...
[He frowns.]
Kotetsu didn't know there was a limit, himself, for all this time. So I wonder.
he just frowns, a little, worrying at his lip, but... if you say so, sholmes... ]
I only know what I was able to put together, and even then, it was never truly confirmed - as I said, I advised him not to speak to anyone else beyond myself and the other person without confirming that it was alright with a Watcher. You truly must ask them directly to know things, and they are limited even then in what they can and can't tell.
As for what Flat did or didn't know - that, I am unsure of. You would have to speak with him.
[ after that, xie lian sighs. ] I truly do not have anything else to tell you. I'm sorry.
...The true fault, above all of this, lies with this wretched game keeping us in the shadows. We're moving chess pieces in the dark. Of course, making mistakes that would hurt the Watchers would be most beneficial to our enemies.
[Like, he still did Bad with Flat and he knows that, but if Flat simply didn't know until later that he couldn't share with more than two...then this is just a really overhead umbrella of a mess on top of it all.]
[He pinches the bridge of his nose, fixing the other with a serious look.]
By the way...I would talk to Kotetsu again. Apologize to him again, one on one. What you said right now, it's all very good. And I sincerely acknowledge my faults. But there is something that rings slightly hypocritical to me. Kotetsu came to me and said that you had been pushing him hard, trying to get him to admit he had a role. I understand you said before that you had simply used the same words you had used with me. And maybe that was the case. But Kotetsu was most uncomfortable with your line of questioning, as he had been prepared to keep the secret of his role with the other roles, and the other roles alone.
[A slow exhale.]
And now, you have become inadvertently become his second and last person he has put his trust in, because of that meeting we had earlier, and he wasn't aware of the two person limit before he agreed to it. What if he had talked to someone else, trusted the knowledge of this role with someone else, before this meeting? You would have become the third person to know of his role, and hurt your beloved by your own hands. And on top of that, you took Kotetsu's choice from him without his full understanding. Your intentions are wholly good, my dear fellow, this I will never deny. But you have wandered a bit into the dark careless territories of mistakes where I stand.
[He shakes his head.]
But that's enough. I will not talk for him any more. Let him speak for himself. All I ask is...please. Talk to Kotetsu again. And let Mr. Lowell know that everyone must be on the same page in terms of information like the two person limit among his company. It cannot and will not happen again.
I would ask that you do not take that tone with me again.
For the record - your argument doesn't make sense, because I did not ask to be invited, today. I was included based on Yuri's judgement. You may take your complaints up with him.
I am happy to speak with Mr. Kotetsu, as I was planning on doing so anyway. I have no interest in speaking with you about this any longer. You asked for my forgiveness. You have it. Good night.
[ and with that, he is turning on his heel and leaving. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
[He says, bluntly in return, trying to collect his emotions. Throw them in the trash.]
And...about the roles. About anything. I talked with them only last week. They never breathed a word to me. And they know very well what is between me and Kotetsu. They could have said it so easily, told me off for my actions, and if not me, then Kotetsu, and he could have told me at any point in time to stop. I found out about Flat several weeks ago, and since...
[He just...looks so confused right now.]
...Xie Lian. What did Baraqiel state to you, specifically? Was it specifically I who caused them harm? Or in general, someone sharing roles? I understand. Your beloved has been deeply harmed. But I need to know. Please.
no subject
… there is really no sense in beating yourself up over it further - this is why I didn’t have any interest in sharing… [ xie lian mumbles this, but it’s a little fussy as he trails off. ] What is done is done, and… wallowing in it will not help you or anyone move forward. [ another hard lesson, xie lian had to learn. ]
There are still many who have faith in you. And even if there weren’t, there is at least one - Mr. Kotetsu certainly does. Take that faith and let it strengthen you. It is at least a start.
[ but. okay. ]
…Baraqiel would never tell me that he has been in pain. He would sooner hide it from me, no matter how much I ask him about it - and we are close. He is not one to let anyone in, and the only reason we are even close is… well. A story for another time.
So, no. I learned of the limit of two through insinuation and deduction; then, I was there, when Flat told a second person. So, finding out that you knew of his, after seeing what Mr. Van Zieks’ speech did to the Watchers - I put together the clues on my own. I don’t think they can truly tell us much unless we ask for it.
As for learning of the roles, themselves; I did not ask until Flat told me he was seeking my help because he didn’t know what to do, and I was told very little. The others - Flat and I worked together to find Mr. Nero. Yuri told me - our experience in the catacombs helped us build an incredibly tight bond of trust, and I mentioned to him that I was seeking the way I mentioned to you- only in the vaguest of hints, and nothing beyond that. I was the only one that knew in each case, all because they shared of their own volition.
I advised Flat not to tell anyone else, but from how it sounds, he felt somewhat cornered into telling you.
no subject
I'm not wallowing in it. I asked for your feelings, and I appreciate them, and despite my regrets, none of this will stop me from moving forward. Nothing ever does. I shall not help all of you by being waylaid to the side.
[And yes. Kotetsu needs him.]
...So you have mastered my method, my dear fellow of deduction. [A brief smile, a light smile, and its gone.] But...I see. Did Flat know there was a two person limit at the time he shared it with me? I admit, I pressed him hard, and that was on me, yes, but...I didn't know about any limits, and if the young man didn't know...
[He frowns.]
Kotetsu didn't know there was a limit, himself, for all this time. So I wonder.
no subject
he just frowns, a little, worrying at his lip, but... if you say so, sholmes... ]
I only know what I was able to put together, and even then, it was never truly confirmed - as I said, I advised him not to speak to anyone else beyond myself and the other person without confirming that it was alright with a Watcher. You truly must ask them directly to know things, and they are limited even then in what they can and can't tell.
As for what Flat did or didn't know - that, I am unsure of. You would have to speak with him.
[ after that, xie lian sighs. ] I truly do not have anything else to tell you. I'm sorry.
no subject
[Like, he still did Bad with Flat and he knows that, but if Flat simply didn't know until later that he couldn't share with more than two...then this is just a really overhead umbrella of a mess on top of it all.]
[He pinches the bridge of his nose, fixing the other with a serious look.]
By the way...I would talk to Kotetsu again. Apologize to him again, one on one. What you said right now, it's all very good. And I sincerely acknowledge my faults. But there is something that rings slightly hypocritical to me. Kotetsu came to me and said that you had been pushing him hard, trying to get him to admit he had a role. I understand you said before that you had simply used the same words you had used with me. And maybe that was the case. But Kotetsu was most uncomfortable with your line of questioning, as he had been prepared to keep the secret of his role with the other roles, and the other roles alone.
[A slow exhale.]
And now, you have become inadvertently become his second and last person he has put his trust in, because of that meeting we had earlier, and he wasn't aware of the two person limit before he agreed to it. What if he had talked to someone else, trusted the knowledge of this role with someone else, before this meeting? You would have become the third person to know of his role, and hurt your beloved by your own hands. And on top of that, you took Kotetsu's choice from him without his full understanding. Your intentions are wholly good, my dear fellow, this I will never deny. But you have wandered a bit into the dark careless territories of mistakes where I stand.
[He shakes his head.]
But that's enough. I will not talk for him any more. Let him speak for himself. All I ask is...please. Talk to Kotetsu again. And let Mr. Lowell know that everyone must be on the same page in terms of information like the two person limit among his company. It cannot and will not happen again.
no subject
I would ask that you do not take that tone with me again.
For the record - your argument doesn't make sense, because I did not ask to be invited, today. I was included based on Yuri's judgement. You may take your complaints up with him.
I am happy to speak with Mr. Kotetsu, as I was planning on doing so anyway. I have no interest in speaking with you about this any longer. You asked for my forgiveness. You have it. Good night.
[ and with that, he is turning on his heel and leaving. ]
no subject
[But he doesn't continue.]
[He just holds a hand to his eyes for a moment, shoulders shuddering...]
[And then he turns as well, but helplessly, now.]
[He can't linger on this.]
[He just needs to keep going on for all of their futures.]