He reaches into his pocket with a shaky hand and presses his coin into Sholmes' hand. In addition to the feathers, there is another symbol on the coin: two circles, stacked one above the other. But yeah Sholmes can use that to unlock the house door because Rin's hand is unsteady right now.]
[He notices the circles, but he only spares them a glance and nothing more, moving to open the door for him. Once that's done, he'll poke the young man with the coin to take it back - with the one hand, he can't hold it with his other one.]
[Doing that, he'll just guide Rin to the bed, sitting down with him in tow, and just holding him. Trying to be soothing, he'll use his hand to rub up and down the other's back.]
[Rin takes back the coin and is guided to sit down on the bed. It's pretty easy to do honestly, he's not putting up any kind of fight. The contact is nice though, it reminds him of how his dad would soothe him when he cried as a kid. Sholmes really is such a dad.]
It was the same.
[That's the start of processing all of this, at least.]
Dad got possessed by a demon and killed himself so the demon couldn't hurt me. And Yukio- he-
[He doesn't need to explain what happened with Yukio. Sholmes saw it all. But Rin sniffles loudly in his attempt to keep his tears contained.]
[/slaps Rin "you can fit so much trauma in this boy"]
It's- I know they did. They wouldn't die for someone they didn't love, right? I just-
[He lets out a shuddering breath and covers his face with his hands.]
I just wish I knew why. I'm a fuck-up. I'm not smart. I could go crazy at any moment and kill everyone. Yukio would've been way more useful to everyone here.
[He's sobbing and he's angry, but he's not angry at Sholmes specifically. He just gets worked up easily. This is like the fifth time it's happened between them so Sholmes might be familiar with the way Rin's temper works him up.]
[He does know how it works, so he just lets him yell, only wincing slight as he continues.]
When I was first brought the baby that would be my future daughter. She was small. She couldn't speak, couldn't eat on her own, couldn't clean herself. Fundamentally, useless. But I loved her then, and I love her now. To her, then, as nothing more than a baby, her worth was in the smiles she gave me. Or the way she gripped my very large finger in her ever tiny hand. And knowing that she loved me no matter what, even when I was nothing but a tired mess.
[He just pats the other's head, soothing.]
You have worth for your kindness. You have worth for the smile you gave me, when you made that delicious omurice. You know how to crack a joke. When you fight, you fight with your passion, and heart, which is more than most others can do. It isn't about what you bring to the table. You are loved for so many little things, my dear boy. And all of that makes you worth saving, any day.
[It's so simple, but somehow it's exactly what Rin needs to hear. He's been doubting himself so much these last few days, with his failures in the CYOA and the murder he committed, and Yukio's death was like the final blow that really crumbled his resolve.
But hearing Sholmes talk about little, inconsequential things, it helps. Rin's kindness has always been in the small gestures, and being reminded of that helps ground him.
He sniffles, and he rubs at his eyes while he lets out a rough chuckle.]
[It's....such an outburst of something that seems so...obvious, yet never said, that it makes him blink, taken aback. And then, he can't help it - he barks out a laugh in reply.]
Almost certainly! I would be ever worried if I were not! Could you imagine? I'd raise a daughter for ten years, and nobody would consider me a father! It would be unimaginable!
[Except...]
[That's what happened, until recently, because he made it so, because he didn't feel he deserved it, because she had a true father, and it wasn't his right to declare that, and...]
[Yeah, he can't help it. He's a bit watery-eyed, too.]
You think that, don't you? You talk about your daughter all the time, but you never talk about what it's like to be a dad.
[He sees you, Sholmes. And he sees those watery eyes.]
My old man isn't my biological father, but he's still the only person I call Dad. Blood doesn't matter when it comes to family. I'm sure your daughter feels the same way too.
Ah. Well. The situation was complicated. But recently, she...she acknowledged me as her father. I think in all my years of being a great detective, that was the grandest happiness I have achieved.
[No solution to a mystery or a case could stand up to that.]
So...yes. [And he uses the back of his arm to wipe over his eyes.] Blood is only so much. The bonds you have and share...those are the precious things.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[Honestly, he still doesn't know what to say. Whatever just happened almost seems like a nightmare they just woke up from.]
[Eventually, he can see the house coming up. Quietly, he speaks:]
...We're almost there. Rin.
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He reaches into his pocket with a shaky hand and presses his coin into Sholmes' hand. In addition to the feathers, there is another symbol on the coin: two circles, stacked one above the other. But yeah Sholmes can use that to unlock the house door because Rin's hand is unsteady right now.]
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[Doing that, he'll just guide Rin to the bed, sitting down with him in tow, and just holding him. Trying to be soothing, he'll use his hand to rub up and down the other's back.]
Just take the time you need, my dear boy.
[He doesn't need to speak if he doesn't want to.]
cw: suicide talk
It was the same.
[That's the start of processing all of this, at least.]
Dad got possessed by a demon and killed himself so the demon couldn't hurt me. And Yukio- he-
[He doesn't need to explain what happened with Yukio. Sholmes saw it all. But Rin sniffles loudly in his attempt to keep his tears contained.]
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[God.]
[Is it possible for his heart to sink more, even after all of that? Yukio going to same way as their father...]
[He takes in a sharp intake of breath.]
I'm so sorry. [He shakes his head.] The amount of love that your father and Yukio had for you was so much. They loved you so, so much.
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It's- I know they did. They wouldn't die for someone they didn't love, right? I just-
[He lets out a shuddering breath and covers his face with his hands.]
I just wish I knew why. I'm a fuck-up. I'm not smart. I could go crazy at any moment and kill everyone. Yukio would've been way more useful to everyone here.
So why? Why do people think I'm worth saving?
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[His hand reaches up to place on top of Rin's head.]
Do you think the worth of people are measured by how useful they are, Rin? That isn't how it works at all. Believe me.
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[He's sobbing and he's angry, but he's not angry at Sholmes specifically. He just gets worked up easily. This is like the fifth time it's happened between them so Sholmes might be familiar with the way Rin's temper works him up.]
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[He does know how it works, so he just lets him yell, only wincing slight as he continues.]
When I was first brought the baby that would be my future daughter. She was small. She couldn't speak, couldn't eat on her own, couldn't clean herself. Fundamentally, useless. But I loved her then, and I love her now. To her, then, as nothing more than a baby, her worth was in the smiles she gave me. Or the way she gripped my very large finger in her ever tiny hand. And knowing that she loved me no matter what, even when I was nothing but a tired mess.
[He just pats the other's head, soothing.]
You have worth for your kindness. You have worth for the smile you gave me, when you made that delicious omurice. You know how to crack a joke. When you fight, you fight with your passion, and heart, which is more than most others can do. It isn't about what you bring to the table. You are loved for so many little things, my dear boy. And all of that makes you worth saving, any day.
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But hearing Sholmes talk about little, inconsequential things, it helps. Rin's kindness has always been in the small gestures, and being reminded of that helps ground him.
He sniffles, and he rubs at his eyes while he lets out a rough chuckle.]
God, you're such a dad!
[He means it lovingly, honest.]
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[It's....such an outburst of something that seems so...obvious, yet never said, that it makes him blink, taken aback. And then, he can't help it - he barks out a laugh in reply.]
Almost certainly! I would be ever worried if I were not! Could you imagine? I'd raise a daughter for ten years, and nobody would consider me a father! It would be unimaginable!
[Except...]
[That's what happened, until recently, because he made it so, because he didn't feel he deserved it, because she had a true father, and it wasn't his right to declare that, and...]
[Yeah, he can't help it. He's a bit watery-eyed, too.]
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[He sees you, Sholmes. And he sees those watery eyes.]
My old man isn't my biological father, but he's still the only person I call Dad. Blood doesn't matter when it comes to family. I'm sure your daughter feels the same way too.
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[No solution to a mystery or a case could stand up to that.]
So...yes. [And he uses the back of his arm to wipe over his eyes.] Blood is only so much. The bonds you have and share...those are the precious things.
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[He smiles.]
And you get it now too, so that's good. No forgetting it, got it?