PC CATCHALL FOR VAN ZIEKS

[greatdeduction]

Comments

[winebar]

Wh-How to what?

[HELLO?????]

[greatdeduction]

[SIGHS]

Flirt.

[winebar]

................

I hardly see the need for something like that.

[Yeah.]

[greatdeduction]

It's the best way for telling if someone is interested in you. [A beat.] Or getting people to do what they want for you.

[winebar]

I don't need such underhanded methods. Lieutenant Kitsuragi is happy to collaborate with me on investigations here. Because unlike you, he is a professional.

[HIM JUST NOT PERCEIVING THE FIRST PART.]

[greatdeduction]

"Underhanded methods"-? Bah! Are you hearing yourself! It's a useful skill! And the Lieutenant is a human being, too. You make it sound like he's some robot.

[winebar]

He is not. And neither am I. You simply fail to grasp what it means to be dedicated to proper procedure and work ethic.

[greatdeduction]

You aren't some automaton who works every hour of every day, and neither is he. When you come home, don't you have other things to enjoy? Besides wine, of course.

[winebar]

What's your point?

[greatdeduction]

I'm sure the Lieutenant has. Well, to put it rather bluntly, a life outside of work.

[winebar]

I never said he didn't. That does not mean he has aberrant interests.

[greatdeduction]

...

Have you asked?

[winebar]

Of course not. And if you need me to explain the multiple reasons why then you're an even bigger fool than I thought you to be.

[greatdeduction]

Oh, are you going to say it's improper to ask a man what he likes to do? What's next? Am I going to ask you about your favorite works of art and send you into a coma from the sheer gall of it?

[winebar]

I am saying it's improper to ask a man if he enjoys the company of other men, Sholmes!

[STOP BEING OBTUSE!]

[greatdeduction]

I wasn't talking about that already! We've moved on from this homosexual agenda, you dolt! I thought when you said "aberrant interests" it meant "regular hobbies" because apparently, you have none-!

[winebar]

[This is the most non-ominously indignant van Zieks has ever been.]

I- have plenty of hobbies! It is not my fault you made such a ridiculous assumption! It should have been obvious I was referring to that when I said aberrant"!

[greatdeduction]

Oh, really?

Name one hobby.

[...]

And it can't be drinking wine!

[winebar]

I don't just drink wine. I also personally source most of the vintages myself.

[greatdeduction]

What is that supposed to mean? Do you get in the vineyards and stomp the grapes yourself?

[winebar]

I do go to the vineyards. But very few people still press their grapes with such antiquated methods.

[If you went to vineyards like me you would know that.]

[greatdeduction]

[not everyone is a wine uncle like you, karen von zieks.]

So...you're a wine expert.

Any other hobbies?

[winebar]

Bat husbandry.

[He just says this like it's normal.]

[greatdeduction]

[STARES AT HIM FOR. A WHILE]

You. Breed bats.

[winebar]

A family took up residence in my office and I decided to keep them.

[And he complains people think he's a vampire.]