PC CATCHALL FOR VAN ZIEKS

[greatdeduction]

Comments

[greatdeduction]

Are you saying the Lieutenant doesn't deserve affection? How cruel!

[winebar]

And what makes you think he would want such a thing from me!?

[greatdeduction]

[Looks at him.]

Well, you're a serious, professional man with quite handsome features. A level head on your shoulders, when you're not tossing around bottles like birdseed. All good features, I'd say.

[winebar]

You are skating right over the fact that I am a man, Sholmes. So is the Lieutenant.

[Me looking at Kim's gay ass with my ooc eyes.]

[greatdeduction]

[he cannot believe he's hearing this]

Have you noticed him show any remote interest in women?

[winebar]

There are hardly any women for him to show interest in, Sholmes! Not nearly enough to base such a wild assumption on!

[We've got.... Yelena.... Scheherazade... the rest are teenagers. Anyway apparently van Zieks thinks gay people are rare shiny pokemon.]

[greatdeduction]

Have you asked?

[winebar]

Unlike you I have manners, Sholmes!

[SCANDALIZED AT THE MERE SUGGESTION.]

[greatdeduction]

[PINCHES THE BRIDGE OF THE NOSE]

At least tell me that you know how to...oh, no, I think I answered my own question. Never the mind.

[winebar]

Wh-How to what?

[HELLO?????]

[greatdeduction]

[SIGHS]

Flirt.

[winebar]

................

I hardly see the need for something like that.

[Yeah.]

[greatdeduction]

It's the best way for telling if someone is interested in you. [A beat.] Or getting people to do what they want for you.

[winebar]

I don't need such underhanded methods. Lieutenant Kitsuragi is happy to collaborate with me on investigations here. Because unlike you, he is a professional.

[HIM JUST NOT PERCEIVING THE FIRST PART.]

[greatdeduction]

"Underhanded methods"-? Bah! Are you hearing yourself! It's a useful skill! And the Lieutenant is a human being, too. You make it sound like he's some robot.

[winebar]

He is not. And neither am I. You simply fail to grasp what it means to be dedicated to proper procedure and work ethic.

[greatdeduction]

You aren't some automaton who works every hour of every day, and neither is he. When you come home, don't you have other things to enjoy? Besides wine, of course.

[winebar]

What's your point?

[greatdeduction]

I'm sure the Lieutenant has. Well, to put it rather bluntly, a life outside of work.

[winebar]

I never said he didn't. That does not mean he has aberrant interests.

[greatdeduction]

...

Have you asked?

[winebar]

Of course not. And if you need me to explain the multiple reasons why then you're an even bigger fool than I thought you to be.

[greatdeduction]

Oh, are you going to say it's improper to ask a man what he likes to do? What's next? Am I going to ask you about your favorite works of art and send you into a coma from the sheer gall of it?

[winebar]

I am saying it's improper to ask a man if he enjoys the company of other men, Sholmes!

[STOP BEING OBTUSE!]

[greatdeduction]

I wasn't talking about that already! We've moved on from this homosexual agenda, you dolt! I thought when you said "aberrant interests" it meant "regular hobbies" because apparently, you have none-!